Say Goodbye
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Cal and Ethan visit Emilie in the hospice. Ethan envies the closeness between Cal and Emilie, but does he have the courage to love and lose another mother?
1. Chapter 1

_I should have used my time offline to update my existing stories, but last Saturday's brilliant episode inspired two more (the other is a Dylan and Lofty friendship one shot). This story is my take on what could happen in Emilie's last hours. I really hope you like it. I don't read spoilers so I don't know how close this is to what will actually happen._

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The door stood slightly ajar. From within, Ethan could hear the murmur of voices. One jerky, with long pauses between the words, though Ethan had to admit he hardly noticed them now. The fact it took her longer than most people to communicate what she wanted to say usually only registered with him when he could sense her frustration and sadness at not being able to say it more quickly.

The second voice was rather jerky too, though for different reasons. Cal was either holding back tears or already letting them fall. Ethan stood for a moment, his hand suspended in mid-air, millimetres from the door. He wanted to go in and comfort his brother, but he didn't want to intrude upon the moment.

There were times, like now, when Ethan felt like a spare part. He wanted to feel closer to his mother; to love her as Cal clearly did, but his emotions seemed frozen inside him. It was partly that, in many ways, she was little more than a stranger to him, but also because he was afraid. He couldn't bear to lose another mother. He didn't want to start to care when she could be snatched from him at any moment.

Ethan's eyes blurred. He blinked and put his hand on the doorknob as he pushed the door open another crack: enough for him to see inside. The scene before him held familiarity as well as sadness. Emilie – he still couldn't think of her as 'Mum', or perhaps he simply didn't allow himself to – lay on the bed, looking small and shrunken as she twitched restlessly. Her face showed strain and effort as she tried to speak, but her eyes showed love as she looked at Cal.

She'd never looked at Ethan like that. Not quite. She wanted to love him, but he'd always kept a certain distance. He told himself this was necessary. Soon, Cal would lose another mother and he would be distraught. He would need all Ethan's comfort and support and he couldn't provide that if he was grieving too. A slight detachment also allowed Ethan to view Emilie and her situation medically. One of them needed to do that and Cal could not.

"Don't cry, Cal," said Emilie. At first, her words had seemed indistinct to Ethan and he'd had to work quite hard to listen to and interpret what she said, but now every word was clear.

"I'm sorry," sniffed Cal. "I'm so sorry."

"No." Emilie lifted a hand from the bed – the one Cal wasn't clutching tightly in his uninjured hand – and held it up as though to forestall his apologies, but the effort was too much and it fell back onto the bed. Instead, she tried to move her other hand, her hand shaking as she tried to give a simple act of comfort: to brush her hand along Cal's wrist. She couldn't do it. "Don't be sorry. I am sorry to cause you so much pain, but I am happy because my son is here with me. My Cal."

Ethan felt his throat closing up and his eyes were stinging again. So many complicated emotions swirled their way through his mind. Sadness for both of them. Deep concern for his brother. The remains of the anger that Cal could do this for Emilie, whom he barely knew, but not for Matilda, who'd brought him up and loved him through every mistake he'd made. And an emotion that made his heart feel heavy and achey as he looked at Emilie and knew it could not be long.

He must have made some sound, though he hardly knew what. Emilie's head turned towards him. Her lips moved into what he knew as her smile. "Ethan." She dragged her hand across the bedclothes towards him. It moved in stages, sometimes backwards or sideways instead of forwards, but she didn't give up.

"Hey," he said, stepping into the room and hesitated. A glance at his brother revealed tears on his cheeks and more spilling from his eyes. He wasn't sure whether he should sit on the opposite side of Emilie's bed or sit on the other side so he could put his arm around his brother.

It was natural now, to hug Cal. than had done it so many times over the past few days. He'd held him and comforted him and wiped away his tears – even literally, once or twice.

"Ethan." Emilie smiled again. She could only hold her mouth in position for a moment, but Ethan knew what it meant. She was always happy to see him, even though he kept his distance and would not allow her the closeness he knew she wanted.

Ethan sat beside her, only realising he'd moved the chair closer to her when he felt his knees hit the softness of the bed. He looked down on her hand, lying on the bed close to him. He hadn't felt able to take it at first, but she hadn't given up. Ethan had progressed to touching her hand lightly for a moment, but he knew she wanted more. He also knew there was too little time left for him to move at his own pace.

He looked at Cal; at the tears on his cheeks and the agony in his eyes. There was a pleading expression there too. In a flash of guilt, Ethan thought of how patient Cal had been with him. He hadn't tried to force him to give Emilie more than he felt able to. He'd suggested that Ethan might call her Mum – after all, some people did have two mums and that didn't mean the first one was loved any less – but he'd never insisted or pressurised Ethan in any way.

Ethan put his hand on Emilie's shaking hand. It felt so small in his own. He lifted it carefully and closed both his hands around it. "I'm here."

There was a tiny sob from Cal. Ethan heard it but did not respond, instead lifting his eyes to Emilie's face. He felt lungs whoosh into his air as he saw how beautiful she was. He'd never really realised it before. He'd only ever allowed himself to see pain and distress. Not that he wanted to see either, but he needed to know what she was feeling in order to help her.

But she was beautiful. For a moment, he felt lost in her lovely eyes, seeing the warmth and affection behind the pain. The happiness. She was glad he was there.

Ethan realised he was glad too.

"How are you?" he asked softly. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Stay," said Emilie. It was one syllable, spoken with difficulty, but Ethan knew her voice and knew the emotion that filled it. Love. She didn't know him, but she loved him. She spoke again. "Stay with me."

"Of course I will," said Ethan. He knew what she was trying to say. It wouldn't be long and she knew that. He blinked rapidly to prevent his eyes from filling with tears.

He heard another sob from Cal and this time Ethan turned to him. There was panic on his brother's face now. "I… I… I can't. I'm so sorry, Mum." With another sob, he gently laid her hand on the bed and fled from the room, more sobs escaping as both his shoulders, injured and uninjured, rose and fell in time with them.

"I'm sorry, Emilie," said Ethan. "Cal has trouble dealing with situations like this. He was the same with our real… I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I mean our other mother."

Fleeting hope showed in Emilie's eyes, then she felt her thumb moving roughly and arrhythmically back and forth across his palm. "Go after him, please, Ethan."

Ethan hesitated, not wanting to leave her. Not wanting her to be alone even for one moment.

The thought surprised him; caught him off-guard. Was this what it felt like? Was he beginning to care? To love?

"Please," said Emilie. "I will be here."

"Of course," said Ethan unsteadily, but much as he wanted to go to his brother and comfort him, he also didn't want to leave. He increased the pressure of his hands on hers very slightly, then he laid it gently down on the bed. He stood up, took another step closer to the head of the bed and bent down. His lips lightly touched her cheek. He heard her breath in and then out. A gasp of surprise, followed by a sigh of deep contentment.

She was suffering. She was dying. But she was happy because her son had kissed her.

Ethan only wished he'd done it before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you have sympathy for Ethan - some people would say it's worse for Cal, but it's difficult for them both.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like my story so far and I'm looking forward to catching up with your stories when they're not spoilers anymore.

 **Becs2202** , I imagine Cal has mixed feelings about his mothers too. It probably helps that his relationship with Emilie is very different from his relationship with Matilda. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii -X** , thank you so much - I really appreciate your kind words. It is difficult writing emotions that come from situations outside my experience, but if it works for you, I'm happy! Thank you for your review.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , I do worry about contradicting what is really going to happen, but perhaps it doesn't matter. Writing is about using your imagination, after all! Thank you for your review and your reassurance.

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm so pleased you enjoyed the first chapter.

 **ETWentHome** , don't worry: I have cried over your stories loads of times! I'm glad you find Ethan's feelings natural. It is difficult (though very interesting) imagining what his feelings would be. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I really want them all to be reconciled too, especially as Cal and Ethan didn't support each other when Matilda died. Carol Royle is very beautiful. Another name to add to the list of people I'm in love with!

 _Thank you to Future light, Firebird08x, Applealice10 and tracys dream for the favourites and follows._

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Ethan swallowed another wave of emotion as he hurried after Cal. He could hear his ragged sobs, slightly muffled. He gave Emilie one more glance, then he left the room. Cal was leaning against the wall, his good arm laid horizontally against the wall, his face buried in it as he cried.

Ethan's breath hitched slightly at the sight of him and tried not to think about how much worse Cal might feel when… when it happened. He walked quickly towards his brother and put his arm around him, one hand resting lightly on his bad shoulder; the other clasping his good shoulder more tightly. Ethan closed his stinging eyes as he tried to think what to say, but then he realised that no words were necessary. Cal just needed to know Ethan was there.

Ethan's hand slid from Cal's injured shoulder and moved up and down his back. But although he felt Cal press closer to him, his crying didn't seem close to ceasing.

"Come here, Cal," whispered Ethan. He put his right arm around Cal's waist, moving carefully so he didn't knock the arm supported by the sling. Gently, he moved Cal away from the wall and held him, still mindful of his arm. "I'm here, Cal. I'll always be here. But I need you to come back in. Our mum needs us." He stopped for a moment, surprised by what he'd said. He hadn't meant to, but it had come to his lips so naturally.

He loved the elder Matilda and Emilie could never come close to her in terms of Ethan's affections, but perhaps it was possible to care for both of them. Perhaps Cal hadn't forgotten Matilda, as Ethan had feared.

"I can't," sniffled Cal. "I'm scared, Ethan."

"I know you are," said Ethan gently. "And that's okay. Anyone would be scared. But I know you can do this. I know how brave you are."

"I couldn't do it for Mum," whimpered Cal.

"That was different," said Ethan.

He felt Cal stiffen in his arms and his voice took on an edge of anger. "In what way was it different?"

Ethan realised how his words had sounded. Cal believed he thought that Emilie was easier because she wasn't as important as Matilda. To an extent, he was right, but that didn't change the fact Cal loved her and didn't want to lose her. "This time is different because I'm here with you, Cal. And I'm not going to leave you."

Cal relaxed into his arms and cried some more as Ethan held him. At last, he spoke, his voice roughened by tears. "I wanted to be here for Mum too. But it was so hard, Ethan. I couldn't do it."

"I know," said Ethan. "But you were there when she needed you most. And I know you gave her the comfort and support and love she needed. You can do that again with Em- with Mum." He laughed shakily. "It's confusing, isn't it? But names are often repeated in families. Little Matilda had the same name as her grandmother. And now we have two Mums."

Cal's arm tightened around Ethan. "I'm so glad you're here, Nibbles."

"Me too," said Ethan simply. "Are you ready to go back in? I know you can do this. And I'll be here."

Cal nodded. He was still crying, but he seemed calmer now. He brushed his tears away and sniffed a few times.

Cal didn't know it, but Ethan was grateful for his presence too. The idea of walking back into the room and not knowing if Emilie would still be with them terrified him, but the need to be strong for Cal kept him in control.

Emilie lay in the bed, moving fitfully from one side to another. Ethan saw a mixture of happiness and relief in her eyes as she saw her boys. Cal hurried to her side and sat down, taking her hand in his. Ethan watched as their eyes met. He felt an exchange; a communication was made between them. He felt a pang of loss as he realised he couldn't understand it and there was no time to form his own private communication with Emilie.

But then she turned to look at him. "Ethan. Come here, my son."

"Of course," he whispered, his voice choking. He went to her side, but Cal looked at Ethan long enough for Ethan to see the terror in his brother's eyes. Ethan quickly carried his chair to Cal's side of the bed and Cal moved as much as he could to give Ethan room.

Ethan put one hand on Cal's back and reached across the bed with the other, taking Emilie's hand in his. He lightly stroked the top of her hand with his thumb and smiled at her, trying to convey the warmth and affection he'd been fighting.

Beside him, Cal sniffed. He looked at his hands, one in Emilie's and one supported by the sling. He lowered his head and wiped his nose on his sleeve, sniffling loudly.

"Caleb!" Ethan and Emilie spoke at once. Then their eyes met. Emilie's showed affectionate, loving disgust, which Ethan knew was mirrored on his own face. They shared a smile.

"I haven't got a free hand, have I?" protested Cal, and for a moment, his voice was completely normal and they were just another family, with mother and younger son uniting in criticism of the older son.

But not just criticism. Love as well. So much love.

Ethan kept hold of Emilie's hand as he leaned across Cal to get him a tissue. Cal's head was in the way and they all laughed as Cal bent his head so Ethan could reach.

"You see what I have to put up with, Mum?" said Cal.

"A good, kind, supportive, hygienic brother," said Emilie.

"Oh, so this is what happens now I've got you together," said Cal. "You're ganging up on me!"

Ethan knew he wasn't complaining. He could see Emilie knew that too.

Ethan tried to lift the tissue from the box, but with no free hand to help him, the box came with it and they all laughed again, especially when Ethan accidentally hit Cal's head.

"Mum! He hit me on the head with a tissue box!" said Cal.

"Perhaps later, Ethan can tell me what you've hit him on the head with," said Emilie, slowly and painstakingly but with amusement in her eyes.

"His toy car… my book… his fist," said Ethan.

"Cal was always full of high spirits," said Emilie.

"He still is. Believe me." Ethan rested the box on his lap and finally the tissue came away in his hand. "Look at me, Cal."

It seemed a wrench for Cal to turn his face away from his… no, _their_ mother's.

"Blow," said Ethan softly, and smiled slightly as Cal rolled his eyes and muttered something about his street cred before obeying his brother. When Ethan glanced over at Emilie, he saw she was smiling too.

"I remember doing that for both of you," said Emilie. "You were always a good boy, Ethan. You sat still and never struggled. Even though you were so young. Cal, you were more difficult. Especially when you were older. First, I had to catch you. You were always rushing off to try something new. You had no time to worry about your nose. Life was too exciting."

Ethan wanted to ask more about when he was a child, but he held the words back. Cal had found Emilie and helped her and loved her through her last weeks. This moment should be Cal's.

Cal glanced at him and smiled before turning back to Emilie. "What was Nibbles like?" he asked.

Emilie gave her brief, twitching smile again, her whole face lighting up. "Ethan, I know why your brother gave you that nickname. You were always nibbling. Your thumb. Your blanket. Your toys."

"Did I have teeth when you knew me?" said Ethan, enraptured and enchanted as he pictured a life he couldn't remember.

"One," said Emilie. "Centre bottom right incisor. The left incisor was coming through. You screamed, but not as much as Cal."

Ethan laughed. "That doesn't surprise me."

"Hey!" said Cal good-naturedly. "At least I didn't nibble everything in sight."

"You are both perfect," said Emilie. "And now I have perfect memories of you. To take with me."

Cal's smiles turned to tears. "No! No, Mum. No, you can't leave me. Not yet!"

Ethan put his arm around Cal again, but he couldn't speak.

"I will never leave you," said Emilie. "A part of me will always stay with you. With both of you. You will always have my love. My pride in my two sons. My happiness that you are so perfect and made my last days special."

Ethan closed his eyes against tears.

"I just hope…" said Emilie. "Oh, I hope so much that I haven't left you the worst gift of all."

The Huntington's, thought Ethan, but it didn't seem to matter. Not now, when all he wanted was to savour every last moment with Emilie.

"Don't think like that," begged Cal, through a flood of tears. "Please. Don't." He tried to say more but couldn't. His breathing came hard and harsh as he tried not to sob. "It's not your fault. You didn't know."

"No. Please don't think of that, Mum," said Ethan, the word coming to his lips without conscious thought. He only realised when he saw the joy shining from her eyes. He said it again. "No, Mum. Don't think of that. All that matters is we found you again. You loved us. You did everything you could to keep us. Then when we found you again and gave you anger, you only gave us love. We loved Matilda too and always will, but now we have two mothers. I feel so lucky and so grateful to have both of you." He felt tears on his cheeks and let go of Cal, easing another tissue from the box to wipe his eyes, and then quickly replacing his glasses because he needed to see Emilie.

"Don't cry, my sons," said Emilie. Her voice was becoming weaker. "Please don't be sad. I don't have much time and I want to hear. To listen. I want you to tell me about each other."


	3. Chapter 3

**X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you mentioned that you liked Emilie sharing memories of Cal and Ethan - I've put some more in this chapter. I'm so happy you liked the chapter. I hope it didn't make you too sad! Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , I didn't think it would be good enough to make people cry! This might be the least emotional chapter, but Cal and Ethan both cry, so maybe I'm wrong! Thank you for your review. I'm really happy you liked it.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I love Cal and Ethan and you always write them brilliantly. It means a lot to know you like the way I write them. I'm glad you liked the teasing - I was worried about that as they're both upset, but I wanted Emilie to see that side of their relationship.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , there won't be anything about the gene in this story, but I'm curious too. I think it's going to be devastating! Thank you for your review - I'm really glad you're enjoying this and I'm sorry I haven't reviewed your latest story yet. I'm still catching up.

 **tracys dream** , I love emotion too, so I'm enjoying piling on the emotion in this story! I'm really glad you like it too. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Emilie continued, her voice slow but mesmerising. "I want to know both my sons as well as I can. I know that if you tell me about yourselves, Cal will exaggerate and Ethan will be modest."

"Cal? Exaggerate?" said Ethan.

"He wants my approval and love and he's afraid he won't get it if he tells the truth," said Emilie.

Ethan looked at Cal in surprise and wondered if that had always been what he wanted. Estranged from his parents and his brother, perhaps he had needed approval and love more than anything.

How could Emilie know him so well already when Ethan did not?

"But he's wrong," said Emilie. She was looking at Cal now. "He always had my love. He always will."

Ethan hated himself for the jealousy that filled him. He'd always feared Cal was Matilda's favourite and now Cal was Emilie's favourite too.

Yet why wouldn't he be? He'd done so much for her. Ethan had done nothing but hurt and reject her.

But he wouldn't reject her now. He would tell her about a recent time when Cal was brave.

Ethan skipped over the part about Katya being a prostitute, stating only that she was being badly-treated by the man who had brought her to England. He didn't tell Emilie that Cal had slept with Katya, only that he'd seen she was in trouble and tried to help. He couldn't say how the car crash had happened as he knew it was at least partly due to Cal's recklessness, but he told Emilie of the injuries Cal had treated; of the three people he'd saved and later lost.

"He struggled, but he didn't let it break him," said Ethan, trying to ignore the guilt he felt about not supporting his brother more. "He was suffering from the loss of little Matilda and the shock of being adopted. He was very unhappy, but I think it helped him to know he could be brave."

Emilie listened, her eyes moving between Ethan and Cal. "I know there are parts Ethan didn't tell me. I can guess some of it, but it doesn't matter. You are my boy and I love you. You gave someone happiness and the belief that escape was possible. I am proud of you."

"I'm sure everyone would have done it," said Cal, with unusual modesty.

"I don't think so," said Emilie. "Thank you, Ethan. Cal was a brave child too and he always wanted to help people. Once I dropped my shopping. I didn't know, but it was a sign of my illness. One bag fell in the road. Cal got it for me. He picked up my bags and helped me carry them. I called him my knight in shining armour. I think he remembered that. Subconsciously."

Cal smiled. "Well, who am I to argue with my mum?"

Emilie made the sound Ethan could now recognise as a laugh. "Cal, please tell me something about Ethan now. I want to know him better."

Ethan heard the yearning in her voice. He should have been grateful for her love, but instead he felt even worse. She loved him and he'd pushed her away.

Cal nodded. "I told you that Ethan is afraid of heights, didn't I?"

"You told me he rescued someone from a Ferris wheel," said Emilie. "But then I choked on my food and you never told me what happened."

Although it was both in the past and a common complication of Huntington's, Ethan still felt fear and distress at the thought of his mother choking. He felt Emilie's hand move awkwardly and realised she was trying to squeeze his hand.

"It's all right, Ethan," said Emilie. "I'm all right now. Soon I will be completely all right. No more suffering."

Cal's eyes filled with tears, but he managed to fight them back. He told Emilie about the Ferris wheel, speaking with what sounded like pride and admiration as he described what Ethan had done. Ethan shuddered slightly at the memory, but as he listened, he realised how minutely and correctly Cal was describing an incident he'd never seen. Ethan guessed Iain must have told Cal about the Ferris wheel, just as he'd told Ethan about the car crash. Ethan felt warmth and gratitude firstly towards Iain, who'd clearly tried to bring the brothers back together; and secondly towards Cal, who had listened carefully to Iain's account and remembered it.

"To be honest, I'm glad I wasn't there," said Cal. "Climbing the wheel wouldn't have frightened me, but watching Ethan would have done. I usually do the big hero stuff, but this time I couldn't have done it because the girl didn't know me."

Emilie looked at Ethan with pride in her eyes. "I would have been scared too. Very scared. I am proud of you, my son."

Ethan felt a tear run down his cheek. She was proud of him. Despite everything.

"Don't cry, Ethan," said Emilie softly. "If it happens again, I believe you will conquer your fear again. You used to be afraid of the big dog next door. Cal used to stand in front of you to protect you. But you were brave. One day, you saw the dog was hurt. Cal wanted to come and find me, but you wouldn't go with him. You were so young, but you knew the dog was hurt. You knew it wouldn't like to be alone. So you stayed. When we came out of the house, you were stroking the dog. You told him everything would be okay. You were afraid of other dogs after this, but not this dog." Her hand moved convulsively in his. "You are grown now. You are a man. A doctor. But you are still my brave boy. And I am still proud of you."

Ethan gave a small sob and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," said Emilie. "I am here."

"So am I," said Cal.

Ethan quickly composed himself. It was far worse for Emilie and Cal than for him. "Has Cal told you about the day he saved my life?"

"No," said Emilie. She smiled. "You see, he doesn't always boast."

Ethan gave a shaky smile. "Or perhaps he thinks saving me is nothing to boast about?"

Cal glanced at him quickly and saw his brother was joking. "Saving my brother is the best thing I've ever done. I think saving my brother saved me too."

"There you go, thinking about saving your own skin again!" said Ethan, but he was smiling with affection as he said it. He knew it was so much more than that.

Ethan had been unconscious for much of the procedure and could remember nothing, but he'd performed it himself and knew what was required. Without going into unnecessary detail, he tried to keep his language simple, as his mother had little medical knowledge other than of her own condition, but not patronising because he could see Emilie was an intelligent woman.

Cal looked uncomfortable when Ethan mentioned being Cal's safety net, but Emilie's eyes shone. "Now you are safety nets for each other. When I leave you, Cal and Ethan, I know you will be all right. You will catch each other when you fall."

"I'm not very good at catching anyone," said Cal sadly.

"No, that isn't true," said Emilie. "You saved Ethan's life as a child. You saved Ethan's life asan adult. You are both different. You need catching in different ways. But you will always catch Ethan and Ethan will always catch you."

"I will catch you, Cal," promised Ethan, through tears.

Cal didn't let go of Emilie's hand and his other arm was useless, but he leaned to the side, resting his head against Ethan's. "I'll catch you too, Ethan. I promise. I'll always catch you."

They stayed like that for a while, just thinking, tears in all three pairs of eyes, then Ethan dried his eyes and did the same for his mother, who couldn't control her hands well enough, and Cal, who still refused to let go of Emilie's hand.

"Cal, now you think of something to tell Mum about me," said Ethan. "Nothing too embarrassing, please."

Cal's bloodshot eyes showed the briefest glint of mischief, but then it was gone. "Ethan did go through a difficult time recently. I'm afraid I didn't help him with it. I was caught up with my own problems and didn't realise how bad it was. I really regret that I wasn't there for him."

"Perhaps if I'd been there for you like I promised, you would have been there for me," said Ethan.

Emilie shook her head jerkily and there was something firm in her voice despite its waveriness. "No. Let's not have blame, boys. Bad things happen. We can't always control our reactions."

Cal nodded and told Emilie about Ethan's terrible couple of weeks where he'd failed his patients, or so he'd believed. He'd tried to help a suicidal man who had later thrown himself under a bus. Ethan listened as Cal spoke with compassion and understanding. Cal hadn't been able to support him as he hadn't told Cal how serious the problem was, but he knew Ethan well enough to guess at the dark feelings inside him.

"He could have given up," said Cal. "For a while, he even turned into me and thought running away would solve the problem, which shows how desperate he was! He struggled to deal with the time-wasters as he was terrified every minute spent with them was a minute where he could fail someone who did need him. He had some bad moments, but lots of good ones too. No matter how disillusioned he was feeling, he always gave everything for the patients who needed him."

Emilie nodded. "Ethan always was kind. I remember once you were poorly and Ethan got into bed with you. I was worried, but Ethan knew what to do. He didn't talk. He didn't ask for your attention. He lay beside you and held your hand. You started to cry because you felt so ill. Ethan gave you a cuddle." She smiled. "Like now." Then she looked worried. "Ethan, are you all right now?"

Ethan nodded. "I'm fine now, Mum. Lily helped me. She's one of our colleagues."

"But most of it came from Ethan," said Cal quickly. "His strength. His courage."

"Lily?" said Emilie. "You have a girlfriend, Ethan?"

Ethan felt himself blushing. "No, she's just a friend."

"I would like to meet Lily," said Emilie. "I have met Charlie and Robyn and Max. I have met Charlie before. He is a good man. Handsome too."

"I'll bring him back tomorrow if you like," said Cal. "Charlie's great. He helped me to find you and he's supported me all the way through." He smiled. "He lost patience with me a few times, but who hasn't? He's been more of a dad to me than my own dad ever was and he was great with Matilda too – little Matilda."

Emilie's eyes shone with curiosity as she turned to Ethan. "Ethan, will you tell me about little Matilda? I want to hear about my son as a dad."


	4. Chapter 4

**X-Sammii-X** , I do think the Casualty writers are wonderful, but it is very sad that Matilda is barely mentioned now. Cal probably has enough to think about with Emilie, but it does mean the fatherhood storyline wasn't fully explored. I wanted Emilie to learn more about Cal and Ethan, but I thought it would be more interesting if they talked about each other. Thank you for your review.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , thank you for reminding me that it might upset Cal and Ethan to talk about Matilda - I've rewritten the chapter to reflect that. Cal and Ethan are amazing people and I wanted Emilie to know that (though she probably believes it already). Thank you for your review.

 **Becs2202** , there will be more drama in this story, but it seemed natural for them to spend a chapter just talking and remembering and talking in a positive way without (I hope) forcing it. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for your review.

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. It's nice to know you found it interesting - it was much quieter and calmer than the other chapters so it could have been boring.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you liked it and I'm really happy to know you can see the scene in your head. Two more chapters to come after this! I think they will be more emotional.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad it isn't morbid - I really wanted to avoid that and I'm glad the humour works. Humour is so much a part of Cal and Ethan's relationship when they're not hating each other. I also wanted Emilie to come across well and I wanted to show a different side to her. I'm glad you liked Emilie's stories about Cal and Ethan. I wanted to bring in something new as Cal and Ethan are talking about things we already know. Thank you for both your reviews.

* * *

Ethan glanced at Cal. "Is it okay to talk about Matilda? It wouldn't upset you?"

Cal hesitated. "I think everything would upset me at the moment."

"I don't have to talk about her," said Ethan gently.

"No. Tell Mum everything," said Cal. "I want her to know." He stroked Emilie's hand. "Matilda was important to me. She still is. I want you to know everything that's important."

"Okay." Ethan patted Cal's back, then smiled at Emilie. "I was hoping to tell you about Matilda anyway. You'll soon see why. Cal was incredible."

"I wasn't," said Cal.

"Yes, you were," said Ethan. He turned back to Emilie. "Cal had his heart broken. I won't tell you the full story of that because it would take a long time, but he met a girl he really loved. He risked a lot to make her happy, but it turned out she didn't feel the same way."

"She sounds like a very stupid girl," said Emilie. "Not good enough for my son. I wish I'd been there. I would have told her what I thought of her."

Cal smiled weakly. "I love you, Mum."

He'd said that to her before, but from the way Emilie's eyes lit up, Ethan knew every time was like the first time for Emilie. "I love you too, Cal," she said. "And you, Ethan."

Ethan's breath caught and his eyes began to sting. He wanted to tell Emilie he loved her too, but he didn't think he could. Not because it wasn't true: because once he'd admitted it, there was no going back. He'd have opened his heart to love and to hurt, and he couldn't do that.

He had to stay at least a little bit detached. He had to stay strong so he could look after Cal.

He swallowed and continued. "It took him a while, but Cal got over her and started to show an interest in life again. But then the girl returned with a baby girl she said was Cal's. Then she took off again, leaving us with the baby. Cal was horrified at first. But then he fell in love with the baby. We both did. We called her Matilda. After our… our other mother."

He told Emilie how Cal had responded and risen to the challenge. How he'd adapted to fatherhood and showered the little girl with love.

He told Emilie all the sweet things little Matilda had done: the things Ethan had seen for himself and the things Cal had told him about with an adoring look on his face. Cal's pride when Matilda had filled her first nappy. His horror when he realised Ethan wasn't going to change it for him. His annoyance when he discovered nappy-changing was a hundred times more difficult than an endometriosis. His determination (after once flouncing off and leaving Ethan to do the literally dirty work) to get it right.

He told Emilie that Cal had believed she was his daughter and only agreed to a paternity test when Ethan insisted.

"And I don't know why I did," said Ethan sadly. "I didn't want him to be forced into accepting another man's child, but he loved her. I loved her. She was ours in every way that mattered. But he took the test and she wasn't his. I can't regret that he took the test because that was how he discovered we were adopted. If he hadn't taken the test, we wouldn't have found you." Ethan's eyes filled. "But after that, Cal couldn't keep her."

"It must have been a shock," said Emilie.

"It was, but I still wish I'd kept her," said Cal, as silent tears poured down her face. "I didn't know what to do. I was panicking and hurt that Taylor would do that to me. I wish you could have met Matilda." He gave a sob. "My little Toad…"

Ethan put his arm around him.

"Toad," said Emilie. "That was one of your first words. You said 'Oad'. You thought they were sweet. You said you were going to have a toad when you grew up."

"And I did," said Cal, still crying. "Except that it was my Toad that made me grew up. She was sweet. So lovely. So beautiful. I miss her every day."

"I know," said Emilie softly. "I know how that feels. Come here, Cal."

Cal knew she was fragile, so he didn't lean against her. Instead, he buried his face in the bed beside her. Ethan opened his mouth to tell Cal to be careful of his shoulder, but he realised it would do no good. Cal didn't care about his shoulder. He just wanted his mum.

Ethan started to release Emilie's hand so she'd have both hands to comfort Cal, but her unsteady grip tightened. With her other hand, she stroked Cal's hair. It was awkward and she hit Cal once or twice, but he assured her it was okay. Ethan patted Cal's back and felt quite tearful himself because he loved Matilda too. One of his tears escaped when he saw the effort in Emilie's face as she tried to comfort her son, as well as the guilt when she hurt him, but he reminded himself that it was much worse for Cal and Emilie than for him and managed to blink the rest of his tears away and smiled as reassuringly as he could when Emilie looked at him, concerned.

Ethan and Emilie held Cal till he'd stopped crying, then Ethan helped Cal to sit up and offered him a tissue. Cal wiped his eyes and nose quickly and took Emilie's hand again.

"I'm sorry," said Cal.

"I am sorry you lost Matilda," said Emilie. She looked at Ethan. "Both of you. But I am happy you let me comfort you, Cal."

Cal smiled and sniffed. "You're my mum," he said simply. "Would you like to see a picture of little Matilda?"

"I would like that very much."

Ethan had pictures on his phone - pictures he still couldn't look at without crying - and was about to get his phone out, but Cal was there before him. He opened a folder entitled 'Matilda' and showed Emilie the pictures, letting go of her hand but resting it on top of hers as he held the phone and scrolled slowly through the pictures. Emilie's hand often moved beneath his and once or twice caused him to let go of the camera, but Cal simply picked it up and continued as though nothing had happened.

"My granddaughter is beautiful," said Emilie. "So beautiful."

"She's not really your-" began Cal, but then he stopped. "Yes. Your granddaughter is very beautiful. Just like her gran."

"Can you get her back?" asked Emilie. "You and Ethan, you can look after her together."

Ethan's gaze flickered to Cal. He tried not to betray his eagerness as he asked: "Do you think that's possible? Would you like to?"

"We can try," said Cal. Pain came into his face. "But I don't know… I don't think… there wouldn't be enough time…"

Emilie spoke firmly. "I am happy to have a granddaughter. So happy. I can't ask for more."

Ethan could tell this only made Cal want even more to bring little Matilda to her, but he seemed to accept it was impossible.

"Promise me you will try to adopt her," said Emilie. "You love her. She is yours. It hurts to lose your babies and you have a choice."

Cal nodded. "I promise, Mum. And one day, if Matilda has a little sister, I'm going to call her Emilie." He glanced at his brother. "Or perhaps if she has a little cousin."

Ethan hesitated. "I honestly don't think anyone will be silly enough to want to have a baby with me, but your second granddaughter will be named for you, Mum."

Emilie's thin fingers dug into Ethan's as she tried to squeeze his hand. "Any girl would be lucky to marry you, Ethan. I will be very proud. I will watch over your children and you, when I leave you."

Cal shook his head, tears starting in his eyes again, but he said nothing.

"Cal, why don't you tell Mum something about me now?" suggested Ethan. "Are you okay to do that?"

Cal nodded and thought for a while, his fingers lightly massaging Emilie's hand. "I told you our other mum died in a hospice. You said she was lucky to have a son like me. But she wasn't. I only came to see her twice. The second time, she died."

"It must have been very hard to see her like that," said Emilie.

"It was," said Cal. "But it must have been hard for Ethan too, but he never ran away like I did. He looked after her. He visited her every day. He spent hours with her. He arranged everything."

He started to tell Emilie everything Ethan had done. Ethan felt uncomfortable listening, knowing that he hadn't been there when Matilda had needed him most, but he knew he mustn't ask Cal to stop. Emilie looked like she wanted to hear this and perhaps Cal needed to talk about it. Ethan felt awkward and unhappy, but perhaps the worst thing was the guilt on Cal's face as he admitted all his failures; the complete and abject misery that he could never have those moments with Matilda back.

But he was seizing his second chance. He could never have those moments with Matilda and that regret would never leave him, but he could ensure he had them with Emilie. It wasn't that he loved Emilie more. It was just that he had learned from his mistakes last time and didn't want to be left with the same regrets.

Cal hardly seemed to notice the tears that fell down his cheeks. He didn't pause in his narrative as he listed everything Ethan had done. But it was so much more than just a list. Ethan heard the pride in Cal's voice. Pride in his little brother because he'd coped so well and given so much.

"So you're lucky Ethan's here, Mum," said Cal. "Because I wouldn't know what to do. I'd just mess it up like I always do."

"No, Cal," said Emilie. "You haven't messed anything up with me."

Cal sniffled. "Yes, I did. When I first met you…"

"You had a shock, Cal. You were still reeling from knowing you were adopted. You were not prepared."

"And then when you came to see me and I wanted you to go…"

Emilie turned to Ethan. "You were protecting your little brother. Like you always did."

"Not always," said Cal, with a teary laugh. "He's usually the one protecting me."

"I shouldn't have gone to the hospital," said Emilie. "I shouldn't have come to meet him. I was wrong."

Ethan stroked her hand with his thumb. "Yes, you should have come. I'm so glad you came. If you hadn't, Cal might never have told me."

"I would have done!" said Cal.

"But perhaps not so soon," said Ethan. He smiled at her, his heart swelling. "But you asked us not to blame ourselves, Mum. So please don't blame yourself either. It doesn't matter how we got to this point. All that matters is that we are here. Together. As a family."

"My family," said Emilie softly. "My boys." A look of happiness filled her face and she closed her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

_This was supposed to be the last chapter, but it was too long so I cut it into two. I'll post the last part tomorrow._

 **LittleBritishPerson** , don't worry: I love it when a review gives me an idea of how to improve a story! I was much happier with the chapter after the rewrite. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , it's possible Emilie might have seen through Taylor, but would Cal have listened? He was so besotted! She might have stopped him stealing from Ethan if she'd guessed he was considering it. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I don't think Cal and Ethan will adopt Matilda in this story, but I might write some stories where they do. I hope the Casualty writers will too! Thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review - I'm so happy you liked it! This chapter might be emotional, if I've written it properly.

 **tracys dream** , thank you for your review. It's really lovely to know you enjoyed it so much.

* * *

"Mum?" Cal leaned forward over the bed, his panic evident. His breath came quickly. "Mum! No! You can't leave now!"

Ethan gently pushed him back from the bed as he bent over Emilie. He heard Cal's sobs and felt like crying himself, but he had to be the doctor now. "She's still breathing, Cal." He checked her pulse. "She's still with us. I expect she's just tired." He sat back and put his hand lightly on Cal's back. "How about we go and get some fresh air and let Mum rest?"

"I don't want to leave!" Cal put his elbow on the bed and hid his face in his hand.

"I know," said Ethan, as he stroked Cal's back. "But you can't sit here the whole time and we need to eat something. We need to keep healthy for Mum."

"You go," Cal said into his hand. "I can't."

Ethan realised there was no persuading him – and with the end so near, perhaps it was better that Emilie was never alone. "You're right. I'll get us something and come back."

He stood up, preparing to leave, but he didn't want to leave his brother just yet. He sat down again and wrapped his arms around Cal. Cal reluctantly let go of Emilie's hand. He put his good arm around Ethan and cried into his shoulder for a few minutes. "Sorry, Ethan."

"Don't be silly." Ethan gave Cal a tissue and put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. "I'll be back soon. Please phone me if… if…"

Cal lifted his head. "I promise," he said.

Ethan walked to the other side of the bed and kissed Emilie's cheek. As he straightened up again, he realised Cal was watching him. Ethan hesitated, wondering if Cal minded, but Cal was smiling.

Ethan smiled back and left the room, stopping off at the loos so he could wash his face. Although the food had been his idea, he had never felt less like eating. He stood, looking at himself in the mirror, and suddenly the tears rose up inside him in an unstoppable wave. The violence of them pushed him to his knees and he knelt there on the floor, crying in anger and misery and he hardly knew what.

He knew why he'd held back from loving her; even liking her. Because he didn't want to feel like this again. But now he'd let himself love her and it hurt.

He knew he'd only have a few more hours with her, perhaps less, and he wanted so much more. For a moment, he raged against Matilda for taking them from Emilie, but he knew that was unfair. Matilda hadn't been the one who'd taken them and he could never regret the time he'd spent with her. So he raged against Cal instead, for keeping Emilie a secret for so long, but he couldn't even do that. He knew how Cal must have been feeling. The only person he could be angry with was himself, for pushing Emilie away when she'd tried to know him; for refusing to speak to Cal, who could have brought them together sooner.

Ethan's head flopped forward and hit the bottom of one of the sinks, but he felt no pain. Or no physical pain.

All those times when he'd thought of Cal as a bad, unfeeling, uncaring son and the opposite was true. But Ethan, on the other hand…

His chest ached with the force of his sobs, but he knew he deserved it. He'd hurt Cal and Emilie, the only two people who really belonged to him.

Ethan heard a creak, but he couldn't identify it. It made no sense to him, even though he knew that at one time, he'd known that sound. Another sound followed it: a spoken word - one he'd heard many times but was unidentifiable now. He felt an arm around him, hugging him tightly; trying to turn him and still the words came, only now they were beginning to make sense to him.

"Ethan."

There was the word again, only now, Ethan knew it was his name.

"Ethan, come on. Come here. It's okay."

Ethan realised he was moving. He turned to face Cal, and Cal put his arm around him, holding Ethan's head against his shoulder.

"I know it hurts. It's been hurting me for so long and one reason why I didn't want to tell you was because I didn't want you to feel like this too. It's so unfair, isn't it? Especially on Mum. She's suffered so much."

Ethan continued sobbing, speaking quite beyond him.

"But we found her," said Cal. "Later than I'd have liked, but we found her and we're here. And we've just got to make the best of every moment. For us – and for her."

"I'm sorry, Cal," wept Ethan. "I'm sorry for everything I did."

Cal gasped slightly. "Ethan, what are you talking about?"

"I didn't help you. You needed me. Mum needed me. I didn't help," Ethan said between sobs.

"You were too shocked to do anything," said Cal. "And you found out in the worst possible way. I wanted to break it gently, but it was never the right time and then I had to say something before she did... You needed time, just like I needed time." Cal held Ethan tightly. "You have nothing to blame yourself for, little brother. Really. You've done nothing wrong. And you're here for us now."

"I was scared," sobbed Ethan. "I didn't want to go through it all again. I didn't want to lose another mother."

"Of course you didn't," said Cal. "And it's okay. You were here for me when it mattered – and that's a lot more than you can say for me."

"And I felt like I was being disloyal."

Cal stroked his hair. "I know. Mum brought us up; looked after us; helped make us into the people we are today. But loving Emilie doesn't mean we love Matilda any less. It doesn't mean that at all."

"I thought you were just trying to make up for last time," sniffled Ethan.

"Maybe that was part of it at first," said Cal. "Though mostly, I wanted to make up for the people who took us away from her. But it's different now. I love her, Ethan."

"I love her too." The tears were still coming. "And I don't know if I can handle it."

He felt Cal resting his cheek against his hair. "I know. But that's okay. Anyone would wonder if they could handle it or not. But you handled it last time. A lot better than I did."

"But you were there at the end," said Ethan. "Not me. I went to work."

"You didn't know it was going to happen on that day," said Cal. "We thought it would be a lot sooner. You thought by the time you started that job, that she would… that we would have said goodbye." Cal gently lifted Ethan's head from his chest. "Ethan, you have _nothing_ to feel guilty about. You did so much for Mum. You gave up your life for her. And you're doing great now with Mum too. You have nothing to feel guilty about at all – and I know you can handle it. But you won't be on your own. I'll be here."

Ethan sniffed. "I wanted to support you. It's so much worse for you."

"And how did you figure that one out, Nibbles? She's your mum too."

"But you've known her for longer," said Ethan.

"It doesn't matter," said Cal. "You've known her for long enough." He shook his head almost affectionately. "Maybe we're more alike than we thought. I hid the truth from you because I wanted to protect you. Now you're trying to hide your feelings so you can support _me_. But what we should be doing is supporting each other."

"Yes… maybe…"

"So that's what we'll do, Ethan," said Cal. "And when we find out if either of us has inherited the gene, we'll support each other through that too. It will be worse for the one who's got it, but the one who hasn't will need support too."

"Yes… you're right, Cal. That's what we'll do. " Ethan found a tissue in his pocket and blew his nose. "I'm sorry. I'm okay now."

Call shook his head as he watched Ethan dry his eyes. "Ethan, weren't you listening? You don't have to be okay."

"Then I'm not okay," said Ethan shakily. "But I'm more okay than I was." He looked anxiously at Cal. "Did you leave Mum on her own?"

"No: one of the nurses came to check on her," said Cal. "I told her where I was going and she said she'd come and knock on the door if Mum... needed me." He ruffled Ethan's hair in a way that was actually quite comforting. "Now stay there and don't watch me because I came in here for conventional reasons and I don't want you seeing and getting jealous."

Ethan couldn't tell if he was serious, but it made him laugh, so that was probably good. He kept his glasses off and splashed more water on his face, trying not to think that, at any moment, there might be a knock at the door.

Cal came over to wash his hands. "Do you want me to go and get the food? Your eyes are all red."

"It doesn't matter," said Ethan, though he did cringe slightly when he put his glasses on. "So are yours anyway."

Cal smiled and patted his arm. "I'll go. You go and sit with Mum."

"Are you sure you'll be able to carry everything with one arm?" asked Ethan worriedly.

"My little brother," said Cal. "Always so practical."

"One of us has to be!" said Ethan – just as Cal said exactly the same words.

"I'll ask for a bag," said Cal. He squeezed Ethan's arm. "She's great, Ethan. Our second mum. Or possibly our first."

Ethan nodded. "She's incredible."

"So take the chance to get to know her without me being there," said Cal.

"I will, Cal," said Ethan. He surprised both of them by giving his brother another hug. "Thank you."


	6. Chapter 6

_This is the final chapter - thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favourite or just read._

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm hoping we might see more of Cal and Ethan's bond tonight, but in the meantime, at least we get to read and write about it! Thank you for your review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. I think Ethan usually finds it easier to stay strong than Cal - which isn't necessarily what you'd expect.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you enjoyed it. If we don't hurt them, at least we can make them cry and cuddle! Let's hope there's some more of that tonight. Especially the cuddling.

 **20BlueRoses** , don't worry - it is difficult to keep up when someone's posting a chapter a day. I wanted to do that so it would be finished by the time we found out what 'really' happened tonight. I'm so glad you liked Ethan's breakdown - I had to send Cal to him after that! It's really good to know which parts you particularly liked. Thank you for your review.

 **tracys dream** , I'm glad Cal went to find Ethan too - I didn't really want to take Cal away from Emilie, but Ethan needed him, so I had to fix it somehow! Thank you for your review. I'm happy you liked the moment between them.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I was thinking Cal found Ethan by accident, but I love your idea of him knowing Ethan well enough to guess he needed him - so now that's officially what happened!

* * *

As Ethan approached Emilie's room, a nurse was just leaving.

She smiled at Ethan. "Your mum's awake now," she told Ethan. "But she's very tired."

"I'll try not to tire her further," said Ethan earnestly.

The nurse patted his arm. "Don't worry, Ethan. I know you'll look after her." She held the door open for him. "Go on. In you go."

"Thank you, Molly." Ethan smiled at her and went inside. Emilie was lying still, her eyes closed, and for a moment, his heart squeezed painfully.

Then Emilie opened her eyes. It was only for a moment, but he didn't miss the happiness that flooded them. "Ethan. You're back."

"Yes. Cal's getting us some food," said Ethan. He sat in Cal's chair and held Emilie's hands. "We don't have to talk. I know you're tired and I'm happy just to be with you."

Emilie looked concerned. "You've been crying, Ethan."

"I'm all right now," said Ethan. "I'm sad, of course, about some things, but I'm so happy to be here. So happy to have the chance to get to know you again."

"Do you want to ask me anything?" asked Emilie.

Ethan hesitated. There was so much he wanted to know and hardly any time in which to learn it. "Of course I do, but I don't want you to get tired."

"I'm not tired now," said Emilie. "I would like to answer your questions, Ethan."

Ethan prepared to ask her some of the many questions that had been crowding in his mind ever since he'd learned of her existence, but he didn't ask any of them. He had to consider Emilie's comfort first. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can bring you? Anyone you'd like to see?"

Emilie shook her head. "Only you and Cal. If I am still here tomorrow, I would like to see Shelle again."

"Of course," said Ethan. Emilie's carer had been the nearest she'd had to a family. He had a feeling Shelle was planning on coming tomorrow anyway, but he would make sure. "Is there anything else I can do?"

He could tell Emilie was trying to squeeze his hand. She couldn't quite manage it, but the intent was there and that was all that mattered to Ethan. He squeezed her hand gently, feeling sad again as he felt her fragility.

"Do you have pictures?" said Emilie. "Pictures of you and Cal? Matilda used to send me pictures. But then she stopped."

Ethan felt his chest ache as he saw how much that had hurt. "I'll bring some tomorrow." He closed his eyes for a moment in a silent hope there would be a tomorrow.

"Thank you," said Emilie. "Now you have questions for me? Things you want to know?" Her voice was fuzzy with exhaustion.

"There's a lot I'd like to know about you. Everything really. About the things you've done. The things you've enjoyed. The things that make you happy. But I don't want to tire you."

"I'm not tired," said Emilie, and started to answer his questions. She spoke calmly and matter-of-factly as though she no longer cared about how lonely her condition had been, but Ethan heard it in every word.

Once the depression had lifted – both that caused by the Huntington's and by the devastation of losing her boys - and her condition had finally been diagnosed, Emilie had found the courage to live some of her dreams. Visit the places she had never been. Return to the places that held happy memories. Ethan heard the happiness in her voice as she recalled those moments, but he couldn't help realising that a lot of these moments had been spent alone or with a carer. It broke his heart still more.

He blinked away tears, aware that Emilie's voice had slowed and her eyes were closed. "Thank you for telling me, Mum. I hope you'll tell me more later, but you're nearly asleep. Rest now, okay? I'll be here."

"I knew you were kind," said Emilie. She couldn't keep still but she somehow radiated contentment.

"I'm sorry I wasn't always kind to you," said Ethan, his voice catching.

Emilie smiled. "You weren't unkind. It was too much to take in. You needed time. But you're here now. So I'm happy."

"I'm happy too," said Ethan. "But now, will you rest for me, Mum? Please?"

"Will you talk to me?" said Emilie, as she closed her eyes. "Tell me more things about you and Cal? Tell me your childhood was happy?"

Ethan stroked her hands, then started to massage them as Cal had been doing earlier. His childhood hadn't always been happy, but Matilda had ensured there were lots of happy memories to share. After a while, he realised Emilie was asleep and stopped speaking. Ethan smiled down at her, feeling so many emotions. Happiness. Sadness. Fear. Love.

But no anger. No more anger.

"I love you," he whispered, and hoped he'd find the courage to say it out loud. He hadn't said the words for such a long time. Not since the last time he'd been alone with Matilda.

Emilie was still sleeping when Cal returned.

" _5p!_ " he began, but stopped as Ethan put his finger to his lips. He dropped his voice to a whisper. "5p for a plastic bag, Ethan! Can you believe it? 5p of my hard-earned money. I probably had to take someone's pulse to earn that!"

Ethan smiled and decided to tell Emilie when she woke up. He thought it would amuse her too.

Cal sat beside him and put the bag on his lap. He gave Ethan a bottle of water and offered him a choice of sandwiches and crisps. Ethan thought about saying they supposed to eat in here, but he realised there was no point. He wasn't going to leave and he knew Cal wouldn't either.

Cal opened his packet of crisps and one of his sandwiches, putting a layer of crisps on top of the cheese.

"Cal, that's still disgusting," said Ethan.

Cal shrugged and started eating. He looked more relaxed than he had for days, but Ethan noticed he was looking at Emilie. Ethan turned to look at their mother too as he nibbled his sandwiches.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" said Ethan.

Cal looked startled, but then he leaned forward and looked at Emilie some more. "Yes," he said. "She is. That's obviously where I get it from."

"I thought she looked a lot more like me than you," said Ethan.

Cal laughed very softly. "In your dreams, Nibbles. In your dreams. Though there is something a bit feminine about you, I have to admit." He paused as Ethan glared at him. "But anyone can see you're her son. That we're both her sons."

They both watched and smiled. Emilie jerked in her sleep and Ethan moved closer, knowing the force could take her right out of bed, but she seemed to settle slightly as she felt Ethan's hands on her shoulders. Ethan sat back down thought about the moments they'd shared and trying to commit every word to memory.

He hoped she would wake up soon so they could talk again. It was natural for her to sleep a lot, but Ethan was aware that time was running to out. However much or little there was remaining to him, he didn't want to waste it.

"Ethan, her breathing," said Cal urgently.

Her breaths were shorter and harsher than before. Ethan checked her pulse, then her temperature. "She's very feverish, Cal. I'll call the nurse and ask if we can give her more oxygen and paracetamol."

His voice was calm, but he was a bundle of raw emotions. It was coming and they couldn't pretend everything would be all right. If it didn't come now, it would be very soon.

"Okay," gulped Cal.

In unspoken agreement, they put their food aside and each took one of Emilie's hands. Ethan put his free arm around Cal, rubbing at his shoulder as he felt him shaking.

"Oh, Ethan… I don't… I can't…" moaned Cal.

"I know you can," said Ethan. It was himself he wasn't so sure about. Cal had done this before.

Ethan pressed the button to call the nurse. They held Emilie's hands and waited. When Molly arrived, they moved aside so she could examine her. Her observation and examination confirmed what Cal and Ethan already knew.

"Let's make her more comfortable," she said.

Ethan's hands shook as he and Cal helped her. Cal held the oxygen mask against Emilie's face as more intravenous paracetamol was administered.

Ethan didn't want to believe it, but he knew. As a doctor, he was trained to recognise it, but he thought he might have known anyway. It wasn't his brain telling him what was going to happen. It was an ache deep inside him.

He would never have the chance to ask her those questions now.

The nurse left the room, giving them some privacy, though Ethan knew she would remain close by. Ethan and Cal took Emilie's hands again.

"Cal…" The name was a whisper. "Ethan…"

"We're here, Mum," said Ethan, as Cal gave a choked sob. Ethan put his arm around Cal.

"I love you," said Emilie. "I always loved you."

"I love you too," sobbed Cal.

Ethan rubbed Emilie's hand with his thumb. "And I love you too. I'm so glad I got to meet you again. We'll always love you and remember you. If we adopt little Matilda we'll tell her about you. We'll tell little Emilie too. We'll make sure everyone knows. We're so proud of you, Mum."

Cal sniffed. "Don't worry about anything now, Mum. We're both here. I'm going to look after Ethan and I know he's going to look after me because that's what he always does. Just rest now. We're here and we love you."

It looked like Emilie was trying to say something else. Cal began to soothe her, but Ethan sensed it was important. "Please tell us whatever you need to. We're here."

"I… I…" Her voice was a sigh; a breath. Her eyes were unfocused. She breathed noisily between each word. "I will tell Matilda what fine boys we have."

Her eyes fluttered closed. She didn't speak again.

Ethan called for medical assistance, but he knew the end was near. So did Cal. Ethan held Emilie's hand and spoke to her comfortingly as her breathing became more laboured. After a while, Cal began talking too. They talked and they waited. They comforted one another. Several hours passed. Then Emilie took her final breath.

"Good night, Mum," whispered Ethan, through a flood of tears. He rubbed Cal's back as he brokenly repeated the words. "Sleep well. I love you."


End file.
